So yeah... 2009 is starting off to be a great year.

But first: I finally graduated! (back in December) Got my diploma two weeks ago.

Now that that's done:

No luck with job hunt. Probably not a good time to be begging for a job. I still work at my previous job doing odds and ends for the Historical Society too. But the British lady is really pushing it. She treats me like I'm the new girl when I've been there waaay longer than she has. Granted, I was away for months at a time, but her attitude toward me is rather negative sometimes. One day I was complaining about the printer acting up and she looked at me and said, "You know, it brings me great joy when things don't work for you."

And so it begins.

Not to mention my stepdad left my mom.

Ooooh yeah. January 5th.

Not for any particular reason other than my mom was getting to be a little too crazy and he couldn't take it anymore. Frankly, I don't blame him. My mother was never really a great mother. I can talk about her here because no matter how many times I send her my link, she just isn't interested.

But she stalks my sister like an obsessed groupie.

I'm not going to go into it, I've already written a book about it.

But the good news to come out of 2009.... I got a puppy!

Her name is Iris and she's a Belgian Malinois (malin-wua it's French!). Absolutely adorable puppy.... but a pain in the ass. Andrew and I decided it wouldn't be a bad idea for us to get a puppy and raise her. Right now she's almost 13 weeks and weighs 16 pounds. She is in credibly intelligent and training her has been a little... interesting. But we'll see what happens. Who knows, you might see me on one of those dog whisperer shows. Hah!

Still no wedding yet, however my mom is suddenly interested and supporting it fully. Since the break-up she's opted for a change and after 21 years she wants to hear what I have to say and wants to be involved in my life and frankly it's annoying. That has to be what upsets me the most about this break-up: It took my stepdad to leave before she heard what Niki and I had to say. Well, more me than Niki. She'd mute the TV for Niki but I had to wait until the commercials. So after spending my college career at UMBC trying to get over all of my traumatic memories, she wants me to bring it all out.

I know she's going through a rough time, but she picked a cruddy time to get interested in my life. It's not fair to spend the first 21 years of your life being ignored by your mother. Then, when you're an adult with more of a life and a busy schedule, she wants to stop and waste your time hearing about the first 21 years of your life.

I was late to work and took 2 hour lunches for weeks. Had I not been contractual, I may have nearly lost my job. What was worse is we weren't allowed to tell anyone for weeks and my mom only had me to talk to about it. Not a good idea.

And frankly, I tried my best to get her to leave me alone. She needed someone to talk to, and I really wasn't the appropriate one.

Oh, and then when I'd spend time with my stepdad and came home and tried to talk about something else, she'd interject to ask about my stepdad.

Change? I think not. Interrupting me about a completely irrelevant topic says to me, "I don't really care, I'm just using you to tell me about Bobby."

I confronted her about that one and she got defensive and then a couple weeks later told me (as if it was a new conversation), "I realize I've been manipulating you to get to Bobby and I shouldn't have done that. So, don't let me do that from now on."

Uhh... yeah mom. Which was why I never told him any of the stuff you wanted me to.

I'm not out to exact revenge or to be menacing or anything, but I couldn't go visit my stepdad and just hang out like we always did if she's whispering in my ear, "Tell him he should come over and do this. Tell him I did that." It didn't feel honest or right and I knew the second it came out of my mouth, he'd know it was from her.

Oh and when I wanted a puppy, it was no surprise. I was going to tell my stepdad when I was ready (since this break-up happened during my search), but when I went to go see him he said, "So mom says you want a dog?"

So suddenly, I had nothing to tell him. She kept telling him everything and when I'd go to see him, he would finish my stories because, "Your mom said..."

It's just been a little frustrating with the added annoyance of the Queen of England.

But I guess I got one good thing out of the car trouble and banged up knee I got last week: Iris... when she's not ignoring me and peeing everywhere.

As for art...

Well, not so much production. I'm starting to feel incredibly out of practice. I never seem to have a moment to myself anymore since I was hiding for a while and my mom would come find me and interject in to my creative times and once I'm out of my trance, that's it.

So I'm done. I was done last year, I'm done this year. I'm tired of the bullshit and being forced into the middle like this. I just want to live my life with the problems I bring into it, not ones I'm handed because of blood.

I'm starting 2009 over with a new New Years resolution: Don't sweat the small stuff. Granted, these aren't all small stuff, but I'm making it small stuff. I need to do what I need to and move on. I can't let the British lady get to me or my current situation bother me any more.

'Til next time.